It's only a memory

I've been neglecting my blog and I feel bad for doing it. Sorry blog, I treat you more like my journal than a blog if anything. I've been thinking a lot lately, like more than the usual and I miss the things & people in life that made me the happiest kid on earth. Lately I just feel a bunch of blah.. I know one day again I will be happy but for now just taking it day to day. Finishing college soon, saving, and planning to move out. I want a fresh start. I deserve it. And lately have been missing that boy who broke my heart. I tell myself I'm over it but I know I'm not. This is going to take a lot more time than I thought to get over you.

Dreams..

It seems the older I get, the less time I have to dream and to less energy I have to try to make them come true.

Some friend..

I know she talks about me and it's sad because she's the type of person who doesn't know what she wants out of life. Seriously do your own thing. I don't go around talking about you. Go be with your dumb boyfriend who doesn't know what he wants either. Ya'll can go be dumb together. Thinking you know it all. Good for you then, I don't know why you act like you want to be my friend. Bragging was so 2006 and for losers. No one likes a bragger. I let her do it anyways because it's so funny watching her sound & look dumb sometimes, I'm laughing inside.

yeah, but i'm getting over it. sucks.. but why should i "care" for you if i know you don't even care for me. okaythanksbye.

I remember that night of the meteor shower where I made a few wishes upon those shooting stars. One of my wishes was that I would find a true love and I guess now that I found someone I loved, I guess I also should have wished that they would have only loved me back. Can I have one more wish please? I wish that this heartache would go away. I don't want to suffer anymore than I already am. It's so hard know what's happening is happening. Life goes on, we all must keep moving forward. Maybe I'll meet someone who will take my pain away. I just want to find someone that really makes me happy. I seriously go out of my way to make others happy at my own expense, this is what I get? I'm wonder what I did that makes me deserve this. Or maybe karma is just working backwards right now. Whatever it is, it needs to hurry up and happen already. All I do is try to be optimistic and positive and spread the love.

It's hard giving up someone you really love.

I'm not sure how this is going to affect me. But I know life goes on, it doesn't stop, and we keep moving forward. Sigh..

This boy has been broken but never shattered. Many have tried to destroy him but he never allowed them. Many have mistreated him, many have used him, and many have ridicule him but he never gave in. He has never given up. He has never allowed his enemies to prevail. Why? Well because he's still strong even when he feels like there's nothing left of him. He refuses to give up and continue to persist on. He doesn't know what tomorrow holds for him but he does know that no matter the obstacle he will get through it. This boy is me.

Officially Missing You.

She sings my emotions and feelings all to well.

It's only a memory.

What does my tattoo mean?

It really does explain itself, but of course there's a story behind it. "It's only a memory" is what is tattooed on my chest. I sorta got it for someone but more for myself, it is my body. Well memories are all we have of the past; the good, the bad, and in between. But the memories that are remembered here are of you. And those are memories I don't want to lose. You are the one; my love. Memories of our time spent together are priceless to me. If and when that day comes where we aren't in a relationship, I am willing to accept it because I love you. -That to me means true real love. I have never felt love like this EVER before and my mind and heart understand the real meaning of love now. I wish I could explain this better. But yeah, basically it's only a memory of what WE; were, are, and will be.

I get Valentine's Day...

I never really understood Valentine's Day until now, well for me at least.. Your Valentine is suppose to be your one true love. Right? I realized who I really, I mean REALLY love, and I understand what love is now. I had a thought. -If we were to somehow not be in a relationship I would uinderstand. I would let go because I have love for you and we must set love free sometimes. I totally understand that. All those types of songs about "letting your one true love go & stuff", I hella understand now. Real shit, I've never felt the way I do for you with anyone else. You are my one true love; You are my Valentine.

"The most important thing is to understand that this is a turning point and you would be wise to push for what you want."
-From my horoscope. I HEARD THAT!

I'm thinking of you, I can't wait to see you again. Only a few more days until valentines day. I'm excited to spend it with you. At least that's what I planned. I miss the way you push up on me and kiss me. How at night we sleep hugging each other, watching you sleeping so peacefully. I love it, you were so cute when you fell asleep on me and drooled every where. I was like oh my, your drool is all over my arm and on your face. No worries tho because I wiped it off and I remember you kind of smiled and went back to being asleep. I miss being next to you just to be where you are, makes me happy. You said you were being a bum that day, I was fine with it. We all have those moments where we just wake up hop on the computer, eat something, and chill. It didn't bother me, no worries. Everything from your hair, that smile, those lips, those ears, that face, your arms, your hands. I especially miss that voice, it's different when you're with me. And how you wrestle me around and tickle me. I miss that, I miss you. What more do I have to say? I just want you to know how special you are to me, but sometimes I don't always know how to show it and can't work up the nerve to always tell you.

what i want.

i want someone...
who would shove ice cream in my face.
who will wrestle with me.
who shows me off to his friends and family.
who treats me with respect.
who will cook for me,
just to prove that he's better at it.
who will call me at four in the morning,
to tell me he can't stop thinking about me
who sings to me, even if he can't.
who could break my heart,
but wouldn't dream of it.

Libra horoscope, free daily horoscopes for Libra

Libra horoscope, "Wednesday, Jan 27th, 2010 -- You may face a stressful dilemma when the hypersensitive Cancer Moon aspects several planets today. At first you might have attempted to make light of what you endured. Now, however, your defenses are too strong for anyone to break through. You'll feel better if you work more on letting others into your heart and less on trying to look good."


SO TRUE. I need to let other into my heart and less on trying to look good.
He is a cancer and we got into a small fight tonight. Sorry, I love you. I didn't mean to upset you.

Naked.

You know what’s the most terrifying thing about admitting that you’re in love? You’re just naked. You put yourself in harm’s way and you lay down all your defenses. No clothes, no weapons. Nowhere to hide, completely vulnerable. The only thing that makes it tolerable is to believe the other person loves you back and you can trust them not to hurt you.

Love..

Love is such a strong word. When we were just little kids, we always thought that love was about hugs, kisses and happiness. But as we grow older, we’ve also come to realise that love isn’t just about happiness; it’s also about rejections, tears and riding through the pain that each heartache brings.

I miss you.

I miss you, I think of you all the time these days. I miss your voice, your face, your beauty never cease to amaze me. I love you.

Starting to Doubt..

Idk any more guys. I need to know how he truly feels about me now. I have NEVER felt like this before, for ANY guy. That’s how much he means to me. Call me dumb but sometimes you really can’t help but fall in love. I want us to have a good thing going on, a real relationship. And I want things to be clear. I totally trust him, but there’s a slight lack of communication. That one day where you said, “we’ll work on this later.” I’m still waiting babe. I want to get us on the right path & be on the same level. A relationship doesn’t work without the two key components; 1.trust & 2.communication. Ever since day one, I’ve been loving you & have not stopped. I don’t know what it is you need? Please tell me so I can make this work right. All I want to do is put a smile on your face, make you happy & love you. I need to know more because our daily conversations don’t really help me. I know you don’t use the word “love” but I can feel it, when we’re together its undeniable and you know that. Sometimes I just wish you would show it more. I hate sounding needy because I so don’t want to be. Sorry if I am, love does this. Sad for me to even mention this but if you break my heart, it truly is going to kill me. I love you, I won’t ever hate you. Even if we aren’t together at the end of the day, I still love you. That’s how strong my love is for you. You got me hooked on your love, yes you do. When I’m with you, I get so high & feel that my life is almost complete. Lame as it sounds, I’m being honest. What more must I say?.. I’ve done quite a lot for us in the period of time if you think about it, but I’m not like that, I don’t need to be credited & have every single action acknowledged. I just hope you appreciate it & show me that you appreciate me. You really are beautiful and one of a kind, no doubt in that. I will do anything for you & I never say that, never. So what’s holding you back? I need to know for the sake of our relationship. Maybe you think everything is fine.. But you do know; I love you.
-A.P.

How do I feel? I just want to tell you but am to afraid & it might come out wrong.
I really like you & I think you know that already. You barley know me, but let's get to know each other. That's what I want to do. I have so much feelings for you and I like how I feel for you. Why is it so hard for me to tell you that? Will you give me a chance? Sorry if I like you, I can't help but fall in "love" with you. I only hope you feel as much & the same for me. I want to take a chance with you. I don't want to lose the way I feel about you but it gets hard when we aren't even talking. I want us to be on the same level so you can understand how I feel. When we are together I feel complete. I want to know how you feel about me, but I somehow can't find the courage to ask. Please don't break my heart, its truly going to kill me. I never felt this way before about anyone. Never..

I wonder why me? But everyone should ask that to themselves. There's always a reason. It may seem like there isn't one at times but there really is, we just haven't figured out why yet. I'm slow figuring it out day to day. As we all are. Its life, we make what we can of it & try to be the best we can be. What lesson are we learning? Could it have happened at a better time or is it happening now? A wise person said its better to learn from another's mistakes & try not to do the same. But most times it doesn't work that way because we have to experience it ourselves & learn. It happens once it happens again. You haven't learned. So until we learn we can become a better person.

It's happening again to me. I'm in love with someone but this time around its different. Its going to kill me if it doesn't work. I have a lot of feelings for him like no other. I hate it because he makes me nervous and how am I supposed to open myself up if I can't even be myself. This really sucks. Ever since the new year we've been talking and I want this to last. One night out of the week being with you isn't enough. Sorry I'm a needy person.
I understand how my friend felt when he just ran away from home just to be with someone you truly love. And love will do that. I honestly want to just pack up and move closer, just to be with him even if I'm broke as fuck. I hate it because all I want to do is be with him. But when I'm with him, what the fuck are we going to do. Just sit there and be together. Its dumb. I hate how emotions fuck with me. I'm honestly in love with him & it drives me crazy. I hope fate keeps us together. I have a feeling that we were meant to be together. It's really interesting how we met, or kinda crazy actually. But if certain actions and events we're to never take place we would have never met nor be together. I'm glad what happened did happen because it makes fate & destiny more believable.

formspring.me

No offense, I always wondered if you were gay. Are you?

Yeah I am gay, offense non-taken.

Ask me anything

formspring.me

Ask me anything http://formspring.me/arrdenn

a photo can say a thousand things.

A photo can say a thousand things but it can’t say the million things I want to say. A photo can capture the way we were but it can’t capture the way we are cause you’re far away.